How to Parent in Our World
“I want the world to be peaceful and the scary stuff to be fake”
Sometimes, like all parents, I sneak into my kids’ rooms and watch them sleep. I walk amid toys scattered on their floor like tiny mines, sit on their beds, and stare at them with unadulterated love — their mouths agape, eyes closed — peace fills the room.
The peace, all-encompassing, is very different from the reality of our world.
I wrote in a recent newsletter about a conversation I had with my daughter about how she didn’t like hearing about the scary realities of the world at school.
The truth is, I had no idea how to reply to her. None. So I just listened and took it in. It wasn’t until the next day (a whole 24 hours later!!!) that I responded, telling her that I believe love is the antidote to fear, and by being joyful with people we love, we can combat “the scary.” And that she can use her voice and her skills to serve others, which also spreads love.
Many of you resonated with this question: in a time of 24-hour technology and a world filled with darkness, how do we parent?? And, like me, many of you are concerned. Here are some of your comments from my Aura vs. Oura newsletter a few weeks ago…
Elaine H said -
Mendi said -
And Karen Geiger wrote –
So this week, we will talk with one of my favorite people — Dr. Aliza Pressman.
She is a developmental psychologist with two decades of experience working with families. She is the author of the New York Times bestselling book The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans and the host of the award-winning podcast Raising Good Humans.
AND she is such a sensible voice in parenting and has always been a steady force in my life when I need to talk about my children. She doesn’t pretend she has all the answers, and her calm, moderate approach to parenting makes her my favorite parenting guru!
As I think about my conversation later this week with Dr. Pressman, I want to think about ways to encourage our kids (and myself!!!) to find beauty in the world. Yes, we are living through hard times, but the world is filled with such goodness.
If the opposite of fear is love, and darkness is light, I ask myself and my kids: where do you feel that love? If you’re like poet Mary Oliver (or my grandma Jenna Welch, who was a naturalist!), you see it in the flight of geese, the lap of the ocean, in the shade of the trees.
If my kids are feeling stressed, or if I am, I get outside. I walk in nature. It reminds me that I am a small part of something magnificent. Enormous trees really do something for perspective! Nighttime walks are a bit of a tradition for my family. Try taking your children for a walk — no technology — they will open up to you in a profound way.
Mary Oliver, “When I Am Among the Trees” from Thirst (Beacon Press, 2006)
Music and joyful dance are also ways to combat stress! This weekend, we were dancing and listening to a lot of The Life of a Showgirl!
My mom used to say she felt like animals were a sure sign of God’s love. Try cuddling a purring cat and not feeling better.
Reading, of course — escaping our world is always a sweet respite.
And finally, doing something for someone else. Service is proven to take our minds off ourselves, and that outward focus is such a solve for these selfie-driven times.
The other day, I saw a poem assignment Mila brought home from school.
The kids were instructed to write all the things they “want.”
She wrote so profoundly — it made me teary.
“I want the world to be peaceful and scary stuff to be fake.”
“I want to meet my mom when she was my age.”
I’ve wondered recently about myself at age 12. Was I as worried as Mila is about the plight of the world?
I realized that sometimes I find the most comfort in the beauty and innocence of my children. All I have to do is read their assignments, cuddle with them at night, pay attention to the creative and loving things they say — and then I feel like our world is filled with such profound and sparkly hope.
As I watch them sleep, I feel our world is a beautiful beach, filled with sea glass in colors we have never found before.
xx Jenna
My grandchildren, ages 4,6,8, 9, 10 and 13 are the peace and happiness in my life, who give me hope in a future that we adults have, sadly, made less promising for them. I try to do at least one thing every day to bring some good to the world—serving at our refugee center, writing an uplifting article, giving time
to a foundation for women’s rights—and then find time for being with them, often with joyful music and dancing as accompaniment! I believe the good will ultimately rise if we continue to be positive role models and civil and respectful to one another. Hate is never as sustaining as love.
Your kids sound like such amazing humans. As a toddler x2 parent, I am tucking all of these sweet antidotes away for when my time comes. ♥️